


Just Want To Go Home

by melonmeelon



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Apothecary, Gen, One Shot, Sorta mental breakdown oops, original storyline, part of a story thing i'm working on but I haven't got a lot of it done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonmeelon/pseuds/melonmeelon
Summary: (Part of a story concept I'm working on)Finn has returned home, but something is off, something is...strange.





	Just Want To Go Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda spoilers for an upcoming story?? Maybe?? I'm working that out,,,
> 
> (Angst is not my strong suit so here's a kinda challenge for myself, tell me how I can improve on angst stuffs I guess haha)

He trudged up to the house, his feet barely lifting from the pure emotional and physical exhaustion. Matti staying behind, having to walk home by himself, simply thinking about nothing, _everything _, and all the thoughts in between. All he wanted to do was collapse into his bed, because even though it was uncomfortable, it was something familiar, unlike everything in his life right now. Instead, he took a deep breath, counted to 15, and went to turn the doorknob, stopping to smile slightly. Not a happy smile, no, not really, but the thought of being back home was... reassuring, better than what was happening now.__

___It will be fine. It'll all be fine, everything is just a little jostled at the moment, it will be fine, _the 15-year-old told himself. It was a lie, but he ignored that, plastering a smile to his face and walking into the house. His home, their home, it would be _fine _.____ _ _

______Something wasn't fine. The minute Finn stepped in, he saw it. An untidy workspace, a dish still on the table, a single stream of ants lazily eating the leftover bit of bread. There was dust on the window and the floors. It had been only a week, but it felt abandoned, left. Something was not right. Master Phoenix would never have done that on purpose, even if he was left on his own for a few days. He was too clean, precise, and thoughtful; it made the boy's skin crawl. He wanted to go upstairs, but suddenly he hesitated on the steps. There were only two places the older apothecary could be; upstairs or in the back garden, and he had already walked through the yard. What was he afraid of, really? This week had him exhausted emotionally and mentally, so the assumptions were fast and rather unintelligent. But still, what was he frightened of? Seeing Phoenix dead? No, even though he didn't see him, he knew he was there. Besides, even if the apothecary was a mess, he wasn't reckless enough to get killed, he thought of everything. Was he afraid of seeing Phoenix well and not even acknowledging his apprentice who ran away? The disappointment of that option? Maybe. So, he walked up, feeling like the dust of the room was settling on his arms and head._ _ _ _ _ _

______What he found, however, was something he would never have guessed to see._ _ _ _ _ _

______The man was in the center of his small room, no candles lit, the only light coming in from the small window behind his bed. The limited light shined onto Phoenix, who was sat on the ground, rocking back and forth muttering quickly, looking half-mad and out of his mind. He had a grip on his long untamed black curls, pulling hard enough to almost draw blood from his scalp, his knuckles white, showing the small nicks and cuts he seemed to have given himself with his nails. His amber eyes looked wide and frantic, struggling to keep tears down, the amber glossy and distant. The rocking was rhythmic, rhythmic to a frantic heartbeat that Finn could hear in his own head. There was no way that could be Phoenix, the apothecary never cried, never showed lots of emotion, who was this?_ _ _ _ _ _

______"He's fine, calm down, he's not your son let him be. He's _fine _, he has Matti, she wouldn't hurt him, you don't need to freak out, you're fine, he's not your kid, let him live his own life," the man muttered, over and over with a shaky frantic tone, cursing at himself in the midst of the rambling. Finn felt like the hallway was closing in on him. It was Phoenix, but everything was a mess, and all the brunet's familiarities seemed so far out of reach, so far away that he didn't realize it but he had fallen to his knees. The boy was just a teenager, everything in the past 12 hours was too much. Too much, too much. All Finn wanted was to come back home and be told to organize the shop, or to go feed the fish, or do _something _, but instead, his teacher was on the floor what, crying? He couldn't even really comprehend what was happening around him. It was just fast swimming thoughts and the dark, a dark brown that kept closing in on him, the color of the walls and floor, the colors getting more and more intense. He needed Matti, he needed his best friend, he needed Phoenix, he needed his teacher, he needed his _father _._______ _ _ _ _ _

____________Upon hearing Finn fall, the apothecary's head shot up, his face in shock and disbelief. Then, his face turned to fear, a fear the boy couldn't see nor would he understand if he had, it was a deep fear of total self-madness. Was his boy even real? He looked real, he looked miserable, and Phoenix tried to let out a shaky breath, failing rather miserable, but trying to take in the scene nonetheless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Finn? Is that you? Are you... really here?" He asked, voice scratchy from the amount of long-lasting muttering, quick breathes, and the thickness from the struggle to not cry. The boy in question looked back at him confused and slightly lost before he nodded slowly tears in his eyes too. Then he was enveloped in a hug, weak and desperate, but grounding, nonetheless. The man was crying, the gates had been open, and he felt his own aches and pains, scratches and muscle cramps, but it didn't matter because he wasn't insane and his child was back, his kid was _okay _.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"My son, you're okay, thank the great lord, you're alive," Phoenix cried, and Finn finally came back to reality, gripping the fabric of the thin button-up clinging to his teacher's back. The two stayed like that for a solid minute, needing it, and knowing that they both were a mess. When they both released the embrace, Finn gave a weak laugh, feeling the hot tear streaks of the tears he had cried a few minutes earlier._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I'm back, but it seems you know that," He stated, making the other give a weak laugh as well, holding his son by his shoulders._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"You are insane child, don't ever do that again without talking to me. I should be mad, but I'm more relieved, to be honest," Phoenix sighed, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, face, and eyes still red. He took some more breaths before taking his hands-off Finn's shoulders, the brunet nodding with a small smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"You won't have to worry about that, I'm not going to disappear again. That was a mess anyway," he shrugged, suppressing the want to spill everything that had happened in the past week and simply wiping his face and putting his face in his hands. Even if the elder apothecary was a little out-of-it, he still would pick up on Finn's emotion if his face was open to examining, wanting to talk about that instead of them getting back to their normal life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The man quirked an eyebrow at his word choice, but nodded, thanking him. A 'thank you' for coming back, for promising to stay, as well as a subtle apology for all he had gone through, without even knowing what had happened. Some of the man's walls went back up his amber eyes getting their glint back, but he seemed so relieved to go back to 'Teacher and Apothecary Victor Phoenix' rather staying just Phoenix. The two then split up, the man excusing himself to wash up, still a little shaky, finally showing the embarrassment he had put away in the frenzy. Finn himself went to his room, knowing that he should change, maybe wash his face and finally put down his bag._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________One step at a time, _he thought with a broken sigh, putting his bag on his bed in silence, looking over at the pile of a cot. The same one he'd made 4 years earlier, throwing down a pillow, a sheet, and a blanket together so that Matti could get away from home, and it made Finn feel even worst, knowing that things would not be much better for a few weeks. Months even. But it was _fine _, just give it a few days, just one step at a time. So that's what he'd do. He'd put his bag down, wash his face, go downstairs, maybe sweep and make an early dinner, make things normal and easy. The good Lord knows he needed it, so that's what he'd do. For now. Just one step at a time, one sweep of the broom, one restock of the shop, more books, maybe some studies, keeping busy would keep his mind busy. Or at least that made sense, whether it would work or not was different, but at least he could try.____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Leave any feedback you want! Anything is a motivation to keep trying to write =)
> 
> Insta: bellartwork23


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